God Only Knows

Six years ago today, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

Recently, a new acquaintance asked me what it was like to go through cancer treatment during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic. To my surprise, I had to stop and really think about it. I'm not sure whether I've subconsciously blocked out parts of that whirlwind, or whether time truly does soften some of life's deepest wounds. Maybe it's a little of both. Whatever the reason, I found comfort in realizing that cancer is no longer at the forefront of my mind.

I remember my surgeon telling me at my one-year follow-up appointment that it typically takes cancer survivors about two years to go an entire day without thinking about their cancer journey, and as many as five years to go a full week without those thoughts creeping in. At the time, that seemed impossible to imagine. Now, six years later, I can attest that there's truth in those words. Yes, cancer is part of my story, but it no longer defines my days. And that is a wonderful feeling.

As I reflect on six years of survivorship, I am filled with gratitude. At the same time, I carry a measure of survivor's guilt. Several fellow survivors I have met along the way have faced recurrences during these same six years. Some are still fighting battles they thought were behind them. I struggle with that reality. Why am I healthy and cancer-free while others continue to endure treatments, setbacks, and uncertainty?

Of course, there is no answer to that question. God only knows.

What I do know is that survivorship is not something I take for granted. Every ordinary day is a blessing. And while cancer may no longer be the first thing I think about when I wake up each morning, reaching this six-year milestone reminds me just how precious life is—and how thankful I am for every day I've been given.

Today, I celebrate six years of survivorship with a humble heart. I hold close the friends who continue to fight, and I remember those whose journeys have taken a different path. As for why some of us are granted more time while others face challenges we wish we could carry for them, I don't have the answer.

Again - God only knows.

And on days like today, that's enough.