I'm Alive

I'm Alive and well.

Time is a funny thing. There are days that feel as if time is infinite. Then you realize you are the parent of two teenagers and the realization hits that you haven't been a teen yourself for almost three decades. The passage of time is a strange dichotomy after a cancer diagnosis. On the one hand you just want the next scan to be over - you know that everything is o.k.; on the other hand, you want to freeze specific moments, because life is not something to take for granted. It's been 8 months since my last blog. A few people have recently asked how I am doing, so here's an update for those interested.

I received my seventh "all clear" scan. 7. Clear. Scans - and yes - I feel a greater sense of relief with each one. In September, I made the decision to take a "pause" from maintenance treatment. Mostly, I was in desperate need of some relief of the chronic side effects I have experienced. I didn't make this decision lightly, but I feel confident about this choice. At some point, quality of life becomes a factor, and 3 years of side effects have started to take their toll. Will I regret this choice? Maybe. But I will continue to have mammograms/ultrasounds every 6 months, so should cancer return, it will be found early. Eventually we make the best decision with the information we have. I hope this is the right one.

I feel great. A few lingering gifts from treatment remain (I am looking at you, weight gain), but overall I saw a marked improvement to my daily quality of life within 2 months of stopping injections. I was taking four medicines a day on injections just to manage the side effect. Now I take one pill a day. Most importantly, I am officially in remission. Dr. Hazzard-Jenkins told me I am "too healthy" to be her patient so others on her staff will take over my long-term surveillance. I love Dr. H, but I know others need her more than me, and that's o.k.

As Dave Matthews and Kenny Chesney say "Breathing in and out's a blessing, can't you see?" Being healthy and feeling healthy is surely good for my soul. And I am alive and well.