I Hate Everything About You (cancer)

I am usually a relatively positive person, or at least I am able to just keep busy. Mind over matter if I can find the energy to do it. It's been months since my last update. Kid's activities and moving into our new house have kept us busy. Lots of good things on that front! So, I don't actually hate EVERYTHING - but my health journey continues to be one that isn't fun. Anyway, a few people have reached out for a health update - so here we go!

The kind of cancer that I have is estrogen receptor positive. In the very simplest terms, that means my body takes estrogen and turns it into cancerous cells. Because of that I am on medicine that prevents my body from making estrogen, or from using estrogen the way other people's bodies may. It actually dries up the estrogen and progesterone that my body is trying to make. What does that mean? Basically it throws me into menopause. I have an injection in my stomach every 28 days and I take an oral medication every day. To put it frankly, I hate these meds. Side effects I have had:

• weight gain (more that 10 bs in the last 6 weeks)

• fatigue

• severe joint pain and a lack of joint mobility

• joint swelling

• significant fluid retention

These side effects were severe enough for me to ask for an appointment. Because of COVID I have had to go to most of my appointments alone, but luckily now one visitor is allowed. I brought a friend with me because I needed someone that is relatively emotionally neutral when it comes to my care. The hubs has been having some back issues, so it wasn't a good time for him to take another day off from school. This was the right decision. Not only was my friend able to keep me occupied in the waiting room, but she also asked me what I wanted. What my goals were when it came to my treatment. She also has seen my drastic physical change in the last few weeks. After going through all of the issues I have been having and discussing options with Dr. Hafez, she then noticed the fluid retention and suggested I go on a water pill. She also commented on the fluid during my physical exam. As crazy as it sounds, this was actually affirming to me. Sometimes when dealing with the long game of health issues we can feel like we are imagining things. I am hoping the new meds kick in relatively quickly because things have been rough

Basically, my 42 year old body now thinks it's in it's 70s and I hate it. In the grand scheme of things I hope this is just a blip in my life, but the treatment options aren't great.

If this treatment wasn't up 75% effective at reducing the reoccurrence of cancer I probably would not be on it. The treatment is also expensive, even after insurance. I have applied for co-pay assistance programs and explored all of the options that are out there. Luckily, we have the means for me to have this option. But, I still hate it. No one wants to spend their money in ways that cause you to actually feel pretty crappy.

In the midst of all of this negativity, I am also grateful.

• I had another clear breast scan - my third one. One more and I can take a small sigh of relief - the two year post-cancer mark is an important one statistically, so fingers crossed for a fourth clear scan in August.

• Our new house is wonderful. We are finally getting settled in and enjoy being next door to our family.

• The kids love Morgantown. They've both made friends and have been involved in all kinds of activities. We basically run their Uber, but it's fun to see them really shine.

• Jamie, the kids and I recorded a three-part podcast telling our cancer journey. If you are one that listens to podcasts you might enjoy. I am so thankful they were willing to share their story to help others. https://wvucancer.org/about-us/podcasts/living-beyond-cancer