Guns and Roses sang about it. The bible says it's the fruit of the spirit. My bestie tells me not to pray for it or God will give you lots of practice finding it. Patience - I don't have it.
The longer this recovery progresses the more questions I seem to have.
Why do my ribs hurt? Why can't I raise my arm completely? Why does my skin keep itching? Why do I keep dropping things?
I am not willing to be less than 100% if I can help it so these continued issues have been driving me crazy. Am I just being a wimp? (I am a wimp sometimes...)
In the last couple weeks I had an ultrasound of my surgical site because it just didn't feel right. Luckily, it just showed a very small seroma about the size of a chick pea. Though I was relieved to know it wasn't anything serious, it was still just another step in this recovery. My long-time best friend is a PT and she has hooked me up with some exercises to get things working the way they used to. What would we do without our friends?
Today was a follow-up with my surgeon Dr. Mason. He's the best. He has such a great bedside manner and he knows his stuff. I have asked other doctors these same questions and they all have taken me seriously, but Dr. Mason just cuts to the chase in a manner that I understand. Honestly, he reminds me of my husband (he even looks like him) so maybe that's why. Regardless, his answer to all of the above questions was - you guessed it - patience.
He told me that most of his breast cancer patients who are treated with surgery and radiation say it takes about two years to feel back to normal. Or as he said it "It's about two years before most of my patients get through a whole day without thinking of breast cancer."
TWO. YEARS.
Of course, this could be worse had the cancer not been discovered and treated so early. But still....patience....
Dr. Mason then gave me the best advice. You have permission to rest. You have permission to heal. Keep doing what you're doing cause it's working.
I am finally adjusting to the medication. I am still pretty worn out at days' end, but the other side effects of the Tamoxifen seem to be settling. I am finishing my third month on this medicine, so hopefully we are crossing that bridge.
So - I will continue to rest and heal. I will continue to give myself grace. I will celebrate feeling a little better every day. After all, in the words of Axel Rose
"Said "woman take it slow, and it'll work itself out fine"
All we need is just a little patience